Is This 40?

6 months out from my 40th Birthday I find myself asking this question A LOT. Most mornings I wake up feeling like I didn't sleep. There is no recharge. The first step out of bed hurts. My initial thought is I blew out my knee. Who the heck blows out a knee getting out of bed? The second step feels like my foot might break. Is it arthritis? Already?

I make my way to the bathroom where I have a confrontation with a mirror. Joy! More gray hair overnight. I contemplate letting it grow out and embracing it. It's distinguished, right? Maybe but not at 40. Should I darken it, lighten it, shave it? All thoughts about my hair are replaced with a glance at my tummy.

When did I get this gut that resembles a raisin? Who the hell has wrinkles on their belly? I can't even give thought to my belly button. It's deformed. Gone are the days of a decade ago when I felt good about my tummy area. Granted, I never really had defined abs but I could at least wear a bikini without sending small children seeking shelter behind their parents at the pool. In all fairness to the little nuggets that call me Mommy, my raisin gut is a small price to pay for having them. Which leads me to my next point....my boobs.

After being called "No Boobie Susie" as a teen, I was so excited when I got some in my 20's. They were mine and overall, decentish. Then, pregnancy happened. I won't go into the specifics but they are best kept under wraps with a lot of support. On the bright side, they are healthy so I can't complain.

A quick shower reminds me that I have lost all the flexibility I once had. I am pretty sure I pulled my hammy when lifting my leg to shave. I have no idea how to spell hammy but since my legs look like uncooked sausage, I think hammy like a pig works.  Another gift from little darlings is the giant, rope- like vein that bulges out of my leg. It developed during my first pregnancy and was only made more disgusting during the second.

As I rush to get dressed, I am reminded yet again that I have gotten a little fluffy. My pants seldom fit. Button down shirts are no longer an option. Black. It is my best friend. My favorite color. Spanx is a close second but black and I go way back.

Breakfast consists of coffee. A lot of coffee. This is followed by the easiest thing to grab as I rush out the door with kiddos in tow. After drop offs, I have time to relax on my commute. I can sip my coffee and listen to my sports talk radio. There is nothing like sports radio to make you feel old. Any athlete over 35 is like an endangered species on the verge of extinction. What the heck does that make me? They are in fantastic shape and in some cases playing competitively at a very high level. Me? I am not. My mind starts to wander as I think about how I have ignored my physical fitness more times than not over the last two decades.

I need to make a change. I have to. It is no longer an option. A head to toe, inside out transformation is mandatory. No more excuses. I need to get fit. Fit by 40. Mentally fit. Spiritually fit. Physically fit. Yes, I want this for my kids and my husband but I NEED this for me. I have to change my habits and make me a priority.

Is this 40? No. It doesn't have to be. I can start working towards my idea of 40; what I want 40 to be for me. Yes, I want to be 30 pounds less fluffy. I want a strong core and a nice butt. I want good posture. I want healthy eating habits. I want energy and strength. I want my daughter to see me model behaviors that will help shape her and her self image. I want to be able to keep up with my son ten years from now on the soccer field, tennis court or wherever life takes him. I want to feel good about myself for my husband.

So, here I am. I am a 39 1/2 year old mother of two kiddos under the age of 5. I have 159 pounds of flab on a 5'5" frame that I want to tone up. I love donuts, coffee, cocktails, hamburgers and carbs. I loathe exercise. I truly am, the laziest Susan. But, I don't have to be. This will not be my 40.

The exact path I will take is undetermined. I know it involves Weight Watchers. I need the accountability. For now, walking will be key. Strength training is next mixed in with some Yoga (to help calm my neurosis). I plan to share the journey here with the three people that will actually read this page - my mom (who is way more fit than me), my husband (ditto on the more fit) and a friend who will take pity on me. I plan to share the good, the bad and the ugly (those will be the photos of the journey).

And with that it begins, my goal to be Fit by 40.